The rest of the Story

Apparently, I need to be clearer.  I knew this site was a dangerous move, but here we go:

In this section of my blog, I am NOT telling you what you should believe, and have absolutely NO intention of doing so.  I am telling you what I believe and my wrestlings with that.  I will not be so presumptuous as to tell you what the absolute truth is, or that you're bad and wrong for disagreeing.  I do realize there are other religions and belief systems out there.  This page is for what I believe and the musings here are simply reflections upon struggles I have had, am currently having, or anticipate having, of a becoming Christian with the following assumptions/beliefs/starting points:

1) The God I believe in is the God of the Christian Bible (without the apocrypha).  Jesus the Christ is God's only begotten son, conceived of the Spirit, born of the Virgin, died, descended, and rose again to sit at the Right Hand of the Father.  Your basic Christian beliefs.

2) God spoke to people in the Bible, healed the sick and raised the dead.  I do not take the Bible to be an anomole but an example of how God treats God's children.

3) God is neither male nor female but because of our limits bounded in language, references to God will be gendered.  (It really just sounds better than saying "it" or repeating "God" too much)

4) I am not trying to convert or convince anyone of my beliefs.  I am not trying to preach.  I am simply a theology student with "stuff" to figure out from the things I am learning in these classes and am offering my thoughts in case there are others out there who feel the same.

       a) I'm not sure at all how these writings could be misconstrued as "down the throat" preaching - I am, after all, questioning God and wrestling with my own beliefs.  I don't see how I could possibly, then, be telling anyone ELSE what to believe!

5) I am open to debate about the issues I bring up, and even about the existence of this God with whom I wrestle, but my point is not to change anyone's mind.  That is the Lord's job and not mine.  If it bothers you, don't read it: it's clearly not for you, and I'm ok with that.  I am not going to abandon my writing on this, though.

Dis-belief

I have recently become fascinated with other religions.  I'm Christian, but I wasn't four years ago - I was so not Christian, actually, that I sometimes still surprise myself by voluntarily getting out of bed on Sundays to go to church.

Despite how radical my shift appears at times to me - I'm studying God in school (theo-logy means exactly that) and reading the Bible for homework - there are also things I doubt that surprise me, too.  Well, I guess not WHAT I doubt, but how strongly I doubt them.  Life after death being the current thorn (or thorn bush...) in my side, I still struggle with the existence of other religions and how we Christians can claim we have the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Becuase, let's face it: saying that "all religions lead to the same place"/"all religions are true" isn't logically possibly (they contradict in vitally important places, but the fact that they contradict at all means they can't all be true at the same time); it's more of a reflection of the inflitration of Postmodernism (that is, "you can believe anything you want as long as you dont say it's "true" since we can't ever know the Truth if it's out there).  More than that, though, it isn't even true to the Bible.  Jesus claims not to HAVE the truth, but BE the truth, and the "only" way to the Father.  All religions make exclusive claims on the truth so let's not get hung up on Jesus' "radical" statement.  Truth, by definition, is exclusive.  If everything is true, then nothing is, which is only important for people who are interested in Truth.

Not only that, but Christians can be real assholes to each other.  It's no wonder that that main reason I hear for why people aren't Christian has something to do with the state of the church.  The Book Christians claim to live by says "The world will know the truth by the love you have for ONE ANOTHER."  Not "others" (though that is an important commandment).  Not "outsiders" (though that's in there, too).  EACH.  OTHER.  It's no surprise at all that the biggest reason for the rejection of the faith is the condition of the church (God's people, for whom the Bible was written).

(The above paragraph comes from an experience I just had: I sent an e-mail requesting an application for a part-time job at my university.  I abbreviated application to app. because the job posting DID THE SAME THING.  I got a response back saying, "I'm sorry, but I need someone who can spell correctly and pay attention to details.  Your subect (yes, she spelled it wrong) line indicates to me that you don't yet possess the skills I need."  Then, as part of her signature she's got a quote from the psalms about how great it is to love people.  This made me want to drop out of my nice, prestigious private Christian University right now.  I LOVE my classes, I love the profs I've had, and I've even started making friends, but this is INTOLERABLE.  You cannot be a bitch and a hypocrite and then quote the Bible in the same breath.  THAT is EXACTLY why people reject the faith, as well they should.  Thanks so much.)

Theology Talk...or not

Wow.  So, if you don't want to get blamed for the world's religious problems, don't announce that you're a theology major.

I wish I were in grad school already...

Generating Life: Take Two

So, this cartoon (provided by this great PNN article) is exactly what I was talking about in my previous post.

As a woman who is clearly still viewed by the larger society as a "Baby Maker", I am incensed.  I am also wondering what the majority of people don't/can't/won't THINK?  It actually makes no LOGICAL sense that men are better than women or that they only thing women are good for are babies. 

I have nothing brillaint to say...all this talk of babies or no babies is really just about sexism.  The fact that it's such a huge issue even goes to show just how undervalued women are in this society; like the only important choice a woman could ever make is whether to use her womb or not, and even that choice is being called into serious question.  Sexism is clearly not dead.  (No wonder good men are so prized these days....sexism is so weary-ing, and so hurtful an so stupid).  I just don't understand how people can have such great capacity for such smallness, not just illustrated by sexism, but any "ism" - racism, ageism, classism, etc.  What the hell, guys?

(Sorry, my rant is over.  I'm still really jet-lagged and haven't been able to sleep much trying to get used to US time, and running around doing a whole bunch of stuff to get ready for, well, the onslaught of..."normal" life.) :-)

The purposeful Questioner

I have started - slowly - to realize the purpose of this section.  Before, I thought it was simply because I needed space to rant, and was unable to really find that place elsewhere in life.  But, my schooling, internshipping and daily lifeing have sort of come together in a rather symphonious (yes, I do realize that's not a word) coagulate that is this text-box morsel.

Just as Mother Teresa's struggle was a sign of Christ sharing with her his passion - she was living the mystery and Passion of Calvary - so, too, does God share suffering with us.  There must be some realy deep meaning that I haven't figured out yet, but suffering does not always equal the absence of God.

Also, today my internship superviser was pointing out all the places in the Bible where people argue and wrestle with God.  The point of life here is intimacy with God, and those that wrestle are engaged, are thinking, are constantly going back to God.  If you are close with someone, you are going to argue, and in some cases, it is good that you do.

I used to feel bad for not being able to adopt the "God is always right" mentality - it was just never enough for me.  I needed more, and, though I can't say I feel God by my side every second - or even a lot, really - and even though I'm never sure I hear His voice (or not), perhaps God isn't as far away or as angry and punishing me as I thought.

So, here's to wrestling!